I Love My Yard

There, I said it. I really do love my yard. I have been mourning the loss of my old yard ever since I first saw this new house at the beginning of November. I remember looking at the house, peering in the windows and seeing the potential for what it could be. But the yard, never inspired the same feelings in me. Even after we poured money into some serious pruning, a parking spot and gravel path, and the most beautiful sod you have ever seen. I liked it, it looked much better then I ever thought it would but I did not love it.

My other yard was long and deep and had a giant pine tree right in the middle. It always smelled like the woods to me and reminded me of my grandparents. It didn't matter that the yard was almost always in a state of "white-trash" and that my 80 year old neighbors had a yard 10 times nicer then mine, for a while the renters next door even had a better yard. Every time I walked out the back door I was in love. One of the reasons we bought the house was because it had a hydrangea. I wanted one and when I saw the 60 year old hydrangea in the back yard I was sold. I know I can plant one at my new house but it won't have the same character.

Today I went to my old house for the last time. I left all the keys and locked the doors. When I shut the door for the final time, I admit it, I cried. I stood on the deck one last time and looked at my backyard and was sad. Even though the yard overwhelmed me a good 90% of the time it was still my favorite.

Until this afternoon. When the boys woke up from their nap the sun was actually shining. I quickly put on shoes and hats and out we went. I had no agenda except to kill time but once I got outside and saw the plants I had just bought, I thought I would try to plant them. I went to the Olympic View plant sale for the first time and scored some good buys. The trick is to go at 3:45, in the rain, on Sunday afternoon when they are at the end. The selection isn't as good but they were selling plants for more then half off. I bought annuals, bedding plants, and some good perinnials to fill in my flower beds.I spent an hour outside today and got all my plants planted. I even did some weeding. The whole time I was outside my boys played. Jack ran in the grass while Micah sat on it. They walked in the bark and played on their climbing cube. They even got out their bikes and rode on the cement patio. I was able to move around the yard, planting and weeding with no problem. Well, except for Nemo making a run for it, but the neighbor was kind enough to tell me I had lost my dog again. I stepped back at the end of the hour and looked at my yard. I have established plants that are starting to bloom, 3 huge lilacs that I love, some sort of fruit tree, and now some fresh plants that are favorites of mine. I wasn't overwhelmed or left the yard with a list of things to still do. I have some more plants I would like and some more pots but overall, I have to say, my yard is beautiful.

And I love it, I really do.

"Mommy, You Gotta Kiss It"

This is what I hear from my three year old at least once a day. Any owie that occurs, big or small, requires a kiss to make it all better. Some are quick kisses and we are all better, others - ones that tend to leave a mark - seem to take several kisses plus some hugs before we are good to go. In order for the kiss to work it has to land on the exact spot that hurts. When it is a head injury that tends to be a little tricky because I am not always sure where exactly he bonked his head. I will end up kissing all over his head until he finally says "I'm okay". Some days he just seems to want extra love as he will say "Uh-oh I hurt again" and smile as I ask him where he needs his kiss. I've kissed his toes, knees, elbows, fingers, head (many times) and have been asked to kiss his butt and his tongue. These last two always make me laugh at which point he realizes it is funny and wants even more kisses.

As I look at my little boy who is the source of both continual joy and frustration, I wish I could always just kiss it and make him feel better. I love that he believes that I can ease his pain with a kiss but know that one day that will no longer work. I know he will have bigger hurts that can not be kissed away: friends who move away, the loss of a loved one, the pain of a broken heart. I know I can not protect him from life, from both the happiness and sadness it brings, nor do I want to. I want him to enjoy life and not be scared or worried about all the things that could go wrong. But when they do and he is hurting or sad I wish with all my heart that I would hear "Mommy, you gotta kiss it" and know that I could still make it all better with just a simple kiss.

Tater Tots, Part Deux

My very first post was about tater tots and how much I love them and how my boys hate them. Well, I have not had any tater tots again until today. I figure that something so golden and delicious can not possibly be good for you. Also, most days by the time I finish feeding the boys I just grab whatever I can find to eat. Having tater tots for lunch requires a patience I do not always have.

But today I decided I did not care. I had spent the morning cleaning my kitchen, unpacking the very last boxes of kitchen stuff/crap and organizing my shelves again! I decided I wanted a nice little treat for myself for lunch. By the time the tater tots were done lunch was long over. I loaded up my plate with a few piping hot tots and headed into the play room to find the boys.

As soon as I sat down I had one little boy come walking up to see what I was eating. I knew this was a trick because neither of my boys like tater tots. I gave a very small piece to my baby to see what he would do and he ate it. That was kind of a surprise to me but I continued to eat my tater tots not unaware of how my life was about to change. Next thing I knew my 3 year old had also realized I had something yummy. He came over and asked for a piece. I told him he didn't like it but he was insistent that he did. So I gave up another small piece to him. "Yum" he says "that is good". WHAT??!! The boys do not like tater tots that has already been proven. Nope, now my oldest is back for a second piece and this time adds ketchup. It is all over after that. I quickly inhale the remaining tater tots on my plate while my baby is distracted and my toddler is still eating his piece. When he finishes he turns to me and says "Want more, mommy". At which point I have to say, "I'm sorry, they are all gone".

If I had known I was going to have to share I would have made the whole bag!

BFF

I admit it, I am completely addicted to Friends. It has never been a secret that I enjoy this show but lately my fondness for it may have reached an all-time high. Since I had my second child last April, and purchasing a DVR for our bedroom, I have watched Friends every night. At first it was the perfect show for watching during the middle of the night feedings, it didn't matter if the sound was on or not. I was half asleep anyway. Once we made it past the initial ugliness of having a newborn in the house, I would watch Friends during the last feeding when I would put my son to bed. If I was lucky I could get two shows out of it before he fell asleep. Some nights I would stay in the room and watch Friends while I folded laundry or cleaned up. On really bad days, I would go in my room as soon as my husband came home, shut the door, and watch an episode. Yes, I know how bad that sounds, but I also know my limits. There are times when being home with a baby and a two year old is extremely difficult. I remember days of holding my baby trying to rock him to sleep while my two year old watched TV pretty much all day. Or other days when my two year old and I would engage in battle of wills to see who was actually in charge. I did not always come out the winner. Those days I needed the peace and quiet of my room, and a few minutes to pull myself together before continuing with dinner, clean-up, bedtime routine, and of course quality time with my spouse.

Things are much better now. I think I am going to like having a three year old a lot more then a two year old! And I already love having a baby who does not rely on me for 24 hour food nourishment! But I am still watching Friends everyday. In fact, it is the only show recorded on my DVR in my bedroom. I still fold laundry while I watch it, straighten up the room, feed my baby, and take a few moments to myself.

The other night I was out with friends celebrating birthdays. As we made a wish on our dessert, I remembered a scene from the last episode I watched. I mentioned to the group, partly pleased that I even remember a quote - that is a whole nether blog - and as I described it, I heard one friend say: "She talks about them like she knows them". I laughed because, yeah, I guess I do. This past year has had it's good times and it's hard times, and through it all I have watched Friends. I saw Ross and Rachel get together, have a "break", Monica and Chandler continue a secret relationship, and now finally move-in together. The show makes me laugh no matter how many times I have seen it and I would have to say I agree: 'laughter is the best medicine'.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall....

When we first moved into our house a month ago we had not finished every little thing in the house. That was not a problem until the first morning when I went to get ready and realized I did not have a mirror in the bathroom. That was one thing on our list that was deemed "unimportant".  I quickly realized I had a full length mirror in my bedroom and could do my hair and make-up there. No problem.  That lasted a few days and then I broke the mirror.  Knocked it over and it shattered. There goes my mirror. But wait there is a small piece that is still intact. Excellent, I still have someway to get ready.  Once again, that did not last long before that too, was broken.  This is what I was left with:

Not the best way to put on make-up, but it would have to do. I could see a fraction of my face at a time, so no big deal.  Then last Friday, my father-in-law, showed up with a medicine cabinet and shelf system that he built. I was giddy.  He installed the shelves, painted them to match the trim, and then, HALLELUJAH!, a mirror. A real, honest to goodness, regular sized mirror. I am still shocked when I go to wash my hands, brush my teeth, dry my hair, that I can see myself! It is the best present ever!

Does that make me a little vain?

Semper Paratus

Semper Paratus means "Always Ready". It is the slogan, for lack of a better word, for the Coast Guard.  If you know me, then you know my brother-in-law is on active duty and has been deployed for the past 3 months.  Only 3 more months to go before he is back home with us.  I've heard people say that the time has flown by, and I guess for me I am surprised that we are already at the half-way mark, but I wouldn't say the time has flown by.  I know I have felt the absence of Erik at holidays, family dinners, his own children's school events, and, of course, moving day!  Day to day I have not always been aware of his absence, but I know it has affected my sister every minute he has been gone.  

I have known Erik since I was 12 years old and we moved back to my mom's hometown and started to ride the bus to school.  My sister met Erik on the school bus when they were both 14 and soon started 'dating'.  One unfortunate, still to this day, vivid memory I have, is Erik kissing my sister as he got out of the car. We were all sitting together in the backseat and I was at the age where that was actually pretty gross.  As young love tends to do, their relationship did not last, and they were soon broken up.

As I have mentioned before, my sister and I have a habit of making awkward inquires for each other.  When my sister decided she was going to date and eventually marry Erik, I was the one who had to call. I remember standing in the hall of our house on French street, calling Erik and asking him if  my sister asked him to tolo would he go with her.  He of course said "no", he was not interested in her at all.  Turns out he was lying. Why would he tell the twerpy little sister that he still liked the older sister. My sister had to use better subterfuge in the form of homework club and chocolate chip cookies, to get Erik's attention.

I've been on many dates with my sister and Erik, as they were not allowed to go out alone for the first year they were together. I have come to find out since, that there were many dates I "was on" that I never knew about!  I was the maid of honor when they were married, and oh lucky me!, a co-driver on their honeymoon. Yes, my older sister got to take her two younger sisters on her 'honeymoon'.  It didn't help that I got pulled over in California for speeding and actually had to have the cop tell me to pull over on the loudspeaker because he had been following me for a while with his lights on and I never knew it. Boy, was my sister mad!

This deployment is not as bad as the time he went to Kuwait. We can keep in touch through email, and have received some great pictures from him of what life is like for him right now. I keep saying I will send a care package and actually have some great ideas, but unlike my sister, I am not known for my letter writing or ability to ever go to a post office.  The hardest part of this deployment is how it affects my two boys.  My baby will turn 1 next month and I have to say he has no idea who Uncle Erik is. He is deeply in love with my sister though!  My oldest will also have a birthday soon and was a huge fan of Erik before he left. He loved that he had a motorcycle, even though he was terrified of it. For the longest time we had a picture of Erik's motorcycle that we would look at and Jack would always say "too noisy!".  I am longing for the day when Erik returns and my son will say: "Go see Ocho and Uncle Airick!"

Since the day Erik left we have been 'always ready' for him to come home!

Grandma, Michelle wants to know....

This is how most questions to my Grandma D began. "Uh, Grandma, Michelle wants to know if we could watch TV?" or "Grandma, AmyKris wants to know if we can have a snack". My sister and I never wanted to be the one to actually ask so we would pretend the inquiry was really from the other sister. Any time I wanted to know something I would say "Michelle was wondering" and vice-versa. We laugh about this now as adults, because why could we not just say to our Grandma "I was wondering if I could stay up late and watch a scary movie". Truth be told our Grandma did not care what we did or ate. We watched our first soap opera at her house and survived on mostly chips and candy when we stayed over.

I was reminded of this relationship I have with my sister when I called today to schedule a tattoo. Not for me, I am done, but for my sister. She has two more she would like and since I am the one that is 'braver', I have to make the call. As I am getting the details from her about what kind of tattoo she wants so I can sound like I know what I am getting when I make the appointment, I tell her this makes my stomach hurt. She laughs and says, she is glad I am the one calling the place. But then she says: "you make the tattoo appointments (yes there will be more) she will make the uncomfortable Carlson family phone calls". At which point, I readily agree. I would much rather make the reservations every year for Seaside, call the tattoo shop and pretend to schedule an appointment for myself, if she will call our Aunt to find out where Christmas is this year.

I guess some things never change. At 32 and 34 years of age we are still saying " Uh, Grandma Michelle wants to know..."