I Get It Now

Years ago when my husband had his very first bike race, I invited my sister to go along with me. This offer was mostly done out of selfishness - I had never been to a bike race and didn't know what to expect. I was completely surprised when she said yes, she would like to do the 4 hour drive to Wintrhop, stand in the woods, watch her brother-in-law race, and drive back, all in one day. Happy, but also a little surprised. This happened 8 (give or take) years ago when her kids were around 4 & 6. I was still newly married, going to graduate school, living in an apartment, and having nothing more pressing then a paper to write. The trip to Winthrop meant a day off to my sister. No kids to feed, dress, wipe, play with, or parent. She could just sit and watch the trees go by.

8 years later, my sister's kids are 12 and 14. Mine are 4, 2, and 5 months. The other night I was walking in the pitch dark, in pouring rain and smiling. I was completely drenched, from the tips of my fingers to my very cold toes (and some unfortunate places in between). I was dragging a very wet, ill-tempered dog with me, who in no way wanted to be out in the weather. In between checking for danger - it is dark out - I was just so happy. I had one hour to myself. No kids to wrangle into the stroller or the Bjorn, no crying, or whining. I know that when I walk back into the house the chaos will return. Kids will be crying, dog will be barking, and my life will resume, but at this moment I am alone.

I get now why my sister jumped at the chance to drive to Winthrop. I actually pay someone to watch the kids for an hour so I have the opportunity to walk in the rain. And I am smiling as I go!

A Letter From Finn

Dear Mom,

I heard you were worried that I was sleeping too much at night. You even were getting up at night to check on me. Well, I don't want to worry you so I will help you out. From now on I won't sleep at all. Okay, that isn't truly possible so I will take very short naps once or twice a day. I will sleep just until you relax your guard and start a project and then "wah!" there I will be!

At night, after many hours of rocking, you can try to put me down. I will give all the signs that I am asleep, deep breathing, spit out the pacifier, limp limbs, etc. I will even let you lay me down, but once you take one step away from the crib, "wah!". Awake I will be!

You can even try sleeping with me. I really like that because I can eat whenever I want to. But everytime you get up to take care of my sick brothers, I will be waiting for you to get back. To show you how much I really love you, I will even give up some sleep and decide that 4:00 a.m. is a good time to just be awake. Oh, I won't be mad, I will just be awake so you won't have to worry.

See, Mom, it is true what they say about the third baby. I am pretty mellow, easy going, and adaptable. I will be the compliant one for you. I will do what I can to make your life easier.

You don't really like to sleep, right?

Love, Finn

Amy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

This may sound a bit dramatic but it pretty much sums up my week so far.

Monday was a lovely day. I had a playdate in the morning where I had a piece of yummy pumpkin pie. Then we met a friend at a park in the afternoon. We got home just in time to make dinner before Brandon came home. Little did I know that was to be my very best day.

Tuesday the boys and I were up and out of the house early, on our way to spend the day up North. I stopped at my favorite plant farm, picked up lots of great plants, and then spent the day at my moms. It was hectic but fun and the boys loved being at "grammy's house'. When we got home the weather was still nice and I had some plants I dug up from my mom's yard to plant. Pretty soon the phone rings and it was my husband. I kid you not, this was the phone conversation we had:

Me: Hello?

B: Um, I'm sorry but I fell off my bike.

Me: Oh, okay, do you need us to come get you?

B: No

Me: Okay, so you will be late?

B: Well, yes, actually they are taking me to the hospital. NW.

Me: The ambulance is there?

B: Yes

Me: Are you hurt?

B: No it is just a precaution, a paramedic was driving by.

Me: Okay, so you're not hurt. But we need to go to the ER to get you?

B: Yes

Me: Okay, I will get McD's for the boys and be there.

-Click-

Called a few people, packed up the boys and off we went. When we trailed into the ER, me carrying the baby in his carseat and an orange drink, J. with his happy meal and drink, and Micah with his happy meal open as he was stealing french fries, we were startled to see Brandon. We turn the corner and see him sitting on the bed, blood pouring down his neck from the cut to his chin, his arm wrapped in gauze, and him saying the pain was a level '7' when the dr. tried to move his arm. So, not really a precaution, huh.

Wednesday I had to pick J. up early from preschool drive everyone to the dentist to see if Brandon had knocked his tooth loose with his fall, try to get the boys to eat a picnic lunch at the park, and get them home with no one falling asleep. That evening we were putting shoes on to take the older 2 to church when I realized M. felt warm. Found the thermometer and sure enough he had a fever. I told him he couldn't go with us and M. just started sobbing. I was already running late and Brandon told me to just go. I looked at him standing there with his arm in a sling, the baby crying, and now M. sobbing and trying to put his shoes on himself. I said a few choice words about how I was feeling before leaving to go teach preschoolers all about forgiveness.

Thursday I got up at 5:00, went to work, left early because I had to get home to my sick baby and because my sister came down early to babysit. Got everyone fed, bathed, and into bed before collapsing on the couch. I spent most of the night worrying about my baby because he fell asleep at 5:30 and never woke up until the next morning. I kept getting up to check on him because I thought he should wake up to eat. Plus getting up when my toddler woke up crying and J., woke up to use the bathroom.

Friday comes along and M. is worse. I have to admit I am a little worried about Swine Flu. I have avoided all discussions of this illness because I do not want to be crazy but yikes, how do you know if you have it!? I called the doctor, was able to get an appointment, picked up Jack early again from school and went to the doctors. He is fine, at least they didn't seem to think he needed to be screened for S.F. On the way home the high school boy my husband asked to mow our lawn showed up. Of course the lawn is full of toys and Nemo droppings. I have to rush home, clean up the yard, get the kids unloaded, fed, and into nap time. I admit there was a whispered phone call to my husband where I told him how I felt about cleaning up all the piles left from Nemo.

Now it is Friday night, both boys have fevers and are cranky. My husband, if possible, looks actually worse then the night of the accident, and the baby is once again in bed. I have my favorite ice cream in the freezer, some flowers on the table, and Project Runway on the DVR. I should go to bed and get some sleep before tomorrow is here, but I think instead, I will lay on the couch, eat ice cream, and watch my favorite show. I need a little 'me' time right about now.

Goodbye Westy, Hello Golf?

It was a sad day for our family as we let our beloved Westfalia Camper Van go. A huge factor in deciding to have three kids was the knowledge that we would no longer fit into our Westy. We discussed adding a 'jump' seat behind the front passenger seat to give us 5 seat belts. In the end, we knew that even if we could all safely ride in the van, where would we all sleep?

Since it was summer and good camping weather we listed the Westy one Sunday night. Immediately our inbox was full. See, we are not the only people to love these vans! A lady came that evening to look at it ready to buy the van. We were not so ready to say goodbye. The deal was done as she also fell in love with the van at first sight. She had already planned a camping trip with her 8-year old daughter and was so excited to have this van. One kid, totally you can camp in it, three not so much.

We still had to break the news to the boys. I had hoped to have one last farewell ride in our beloved van but it was not to be. When we told the older boys we were selling the Westy because we did not all fit, they asked if we could send Finn back. See, we all fit just fine when it was the four of us.

When we said goodbye for the final time, I had all the boys climb in the van (well, Finn was just placed in there) fora final picture. We had some good times in this van. Micah's first camping trip at 3 months, 11 days spent camping in it last summer, and countless adventures with Dad around Seattle. I even spent a week driving it around Seattle when our old car was dying. I made my husband promise me, we would one day have a Westfalia for just us. While tent camping is not my favorite thing to do, I did love camping in this van.

As we said goodbye to the Westy, we said hello to a little VW Golf. This car was intended to be used as my commuter car to Bellevue and for quick errand with one or two boys. It is VERY small but can fit all the car seats in it. Why is this important, you ask? Because since being rear-ended last week, it is the only car I have been driving. We were lucky to have just bought this litter car with 5 seat belts as our van quickly became un-driveable. You could probably drive it if you didn't mind stopping to pick up the bumper when it finally fell off the car you were driving.

As my husband reminded me just the other day, we were lucky to have the Golf as a second car since all the boys fit. The Golfy (as the boys call it) has been very useful but every time I see a Westfalia on the road my heart hurts a little. One day, I say, you will be mine again. But until then, I will just have to hold on to the memories.

A Perfect Imperfect Moment

Today I decided we are going to do some sort of water activity. At first I had planned to do a wading pool near my house that the boys always ask to go to. Even though it is hideously crowded with very little shade, I was going to suck it up and go. Then I woke up today to clouds and mist. Not cool. So, plan B was to go to a local beach. My husband swore the older two boys loved to go there and that it wasn't crowded. I figured on an overcast Friday I would probably be okay.

In my mind I was going to spend nap time leisurely getting ready, have the car packed, wake the boys and skedaddle. Of course, my two year old won't go to sleep, my four year old wants to do what I am doing, and my 2 month old was in serious "hold me" mode. I spend 45 minutes running around the house trying to finish getting ready (the one day I do not put on my make-up before my husband goes to work), packing food, clothes, and diapers. Trying to figure out how to get everything from the car to the beach with only one adult, and so on.  And the weather is still cloudy. I figure that if we are going to the beach it will probably be even more overcast and windy there, so I better pack for cool weather. Sweats, long sleeves, definitely no swim clothes - brr! Wake up my two year old who is now tired and clingy, continue to carry the baby, and try to force the four year old to go the bathroom and get dressed. Because everyone is still in their pajamas! 

For one brief moment I thought I would bring my camera. I wanted to be able to post these amazing pictures of my kids at the beach. The boys would be in cute clothes, smiling at the camera, showing their sweet, angelic, faces.  By the time we were out the door, with all the crying and whining from everyone, the camera was purposely left on the mantle.  All I wanted to do now was hit the new drive through espresso stand (which of course was closed) and get to the beach. 

Did I mention that the weather was overcast at my house? Apparently, the beach was the only sunny place in Seattle this afternoon. By the time we got there the clouds were gone and the sun was brightly shining.  We were all sweating a little by the time I got the three boys, two bags, two buckets with shovels, and beach blanket to an area equal distance from the bathroom and the beach.  My baby of course was hungry so I settled down to feed him, confident the older boys would be content digging in the sand next to me. Of course not, how could I be so silly! They wanted to go to the water or walk on the logs or run as far away as possible as I sat in the sand and tried to discreetly nurse while also calling out in a sweet/scary voice "Boys that's too far!"

Finally I had the baby in the bjorn, all the stuff packed back up and headed down to the water with the boys. It was at this point that I wished I had my camera, the weather was beautiful, the sun was sparkling on the water, and the boys were awfully cute. Then I realized that my older son's shirt was on backwards.  His response whenever I mention that his clothes or shoes are on wrong is "I like it that way" so I had stopped checking. And yes, today his clothes were on backwards. And since I did not bring swimsuits all the boys wanted to do was swim. Before long both were wet up to their  knees, then their thighs, then OH MY!, up to their heads and then under. I just laughed as my oldest came sputtering up from underwater, drenching wet and looking at me like "what just happened?".  A little too deep I think, but all was well. I had extra clothes, albeit, sweats and sweatshirts, but whatever.

All in all we had a great time. Three trains went by much to the excitement of my toddler, the weather was beautiful, the baby finally fell asleep, and no TV was watched! At the end, I did not have a photograph to show and amaze you with, but tonight when I tucked my boys in and asked them what made them happy today they both said "Playing at the beach".  That was a moment I want to capture.

What Made You Happy Today?

We started asking this question at the dinner table after hearing about it in a parenting class. We start with what made you happy, then mad, then sad.  We try to do this most evenings, but since Finn was born dinner time has become even more chaotic.

The other night I had gone up to check on my 2 older boys, to see if they were finally asleep. One was, but Jack was laying there awake. I laid down in bed to snuggle him and realized we had not asked our question at dinner. I asked him what made him happy today.  "Seeing D/L" was his immediate response. "D/L" are his 14 and 12 year old cousins, respectively. We only saw "L" today but their names seem to always be said as one.  I should have known this would be his response. We were lucky enough to have "L" stay with us on a sleep over. We went to a bike race, ate my favorite ice-cream, went to lunch, and even got to spend time at the beach. It had been a busy 24 hours, but his favorite part was just seeing "L".

I knew how much both my boys love their cousins but I was reminded of it again today. We had to take "L" up to meet her mom as our sleep over was at an end. I told the boys we were taking "L" home and we loaded up the car. Both of them fell asleep and slept all the way through the drop off and did not wake up until we were safely home. I had had some bad traffic and it had been a long day, so I did not think anything of it. I woke up Micah and carried him inside and sat him on the couch, where he immediately began screaming. I went back for Jack but he refused to get out of the car. I brought in Finn, went back and unloaded all of our beach gear and finally forced Jack out of the car. I put him on the couch and went back to get Micah, who at this time was SCREAMING, not crying or sobbing mind you, and clawing at the back gate. I carried him back inside and found Jack standing in the middle of the room.

He looked at me and his lower lip stared to quiver. "Where is "L"?" he asked. Oh no, was my first thought as I stared in horror at the big tears rolling down his face. I just assumed the boys were as tired and cranky as I was. I totally forgot they did not see "L" get out of the car and only woke up once we were home. They both thought she was still here. I scooped him up and held him close as I told him "L" was at her house. Then he just started crying. I can handle screaming, yelling, temper-tantrums, but the truly sorrowful crying just breaks my heart.  

I went back to Micah and asked him if he was looking for "L". He was. We had to go back to the car, look inside, before he finally stopped screaming. By this time he was bright red and starting to hyperventilate from all the screaming. I felt so bad.

I got them both settled on the couch, and even though it was not our schedule, I asked them if they wanted to watch a show. Oh, that would make them so happy.  I had one moment of peace before I turned on the TV only to find it broken. Oh, the tears started again.

We ended up being okay, and I was glad to know that seeing "L" made him happy, especially after the disastrous homecoming we had. 

Although, when I asked him what made him sad he did say "falling off the sled".  Hmm... not exactly sure where that came from.

Feet

I hate feet. I think this is partly because mine are both very dry and very ticklish. A very challenging thing, when  even putting lotion on your feet makes you laugh.  I do not like to have my own feet touch, much less touch someone else's feet.

This is proving to be a challenge for me because my oldest son loves to touch me with his feet. During quiet time he sits on one end of the couch. I am passed out on the other - hoping to catch a few minutes of sleep.  My son loves when we "snuggle" on the couch. This usually means, he stretches out his legs and puts his feet on me. I might be able to handle it, if the feet were still. But, nope, they are in constant motion. They are on my legs, they are on my back, they are slightly kicking me, now they are rubbing me. I keep making myself smaller, and smaller, hoping he can no longer reach me, but apparently he has really long legs. I tell myself, I can do it, I can have him put his feet on me, but pretty soon I am off the couch and moving far away.

We continue to have the feet problem even at dinner. I sit next to my older son at dinner. Everything starts out good. We are sitting, eating, talking. Then pretty soon, I feel a tap against my leg. Then a rubbing motion, then finally just a constant touch. His foot has found my leg again. I have tried to explain that we don't touch feet at dinner, but his only response is "why not".  

The feet, that at one time were this tiny, are now big, dirty, smelly, and being rubbed all over my body.