The Phone Call You Do Not Expect

My Friday was already crazy. Get two boys to school, volunteer in the library, quick coffee date with the hubby, pick up one boy from school, clean the house, eat lunch, pack, pick up the other boy, drive to my mom's, eat dinner, watch Beauty and The Beast musical, pack everyone up and return home. I had my day scheduled to the minute and everything was going along fine (minus the parking ticket) until I got a phone call.

Picture the scene:
I am sitting in the kitchen eating my lunch and reading a new book, Finn is in the living room watching TV, when my cell phone rings. I know by the ring tone that it isn't the either one of the 2 people I tend to talk to during the day so I ignored it. Then I heard the beep beep that signaled a voice mail. I finished eating, checked my phone, and thought, hmmm, I think that is Jack's school.

I quickly listen to the message that basically went like this:
Amy, this is Jack's school, can you please call us back?


I unfortunately, missed the phone message on our house phone that was a little longer and at least stated that Jack was okay. But my house phone was dead, so I listened to this message and entered a momentarily panic.

I quickly called back and identified myself and that I was returning a call.

Thanks for calling back, let me find a private place to talk.


My heart is beating rapidly, as I think, why do you need privacy?

Jack, is okay, (big sigh of relief) but he found something at recess that is really disguising. And he chewed on it.


Okay, what could be really disgusting. I have to be honest my first thought was, dog poop.

"We have it here in the office, we aren't sure if you are going to need it, or if you want to call your doctor"


Why would you have dog poop in your office. That seemed weird. But, whatever. I was still unaware of how bad this conversation was going to go.

"We aren't sure how this happened, and we are really sorry, but Jack found a condom on the playground and was chewing it like gum."


OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!

But, he's okay, and we just thought you should know.


At this point, I am not really sure what to say or do. The dog has just stolen Finn's sandwich, Finn is screaming, and I'm thinking, wait, what?!

Also, we aren't sure if it was used or not. So, let us know if you need the condom, otherwise we will just throw it away.


After we hung up I called to leave a message for the triage nurse at my pediatrician's office. That phone call went something like this:

I'm calling because my son found something on the playground at school and chewed on it.
- pause Something?
It was a condom.
- Oh, oh, my, okay I will let her know.


That was how I ended up at the school office discussing condoms with my son's kindergarten teacher and student intern. I never thought I would investigate a condom so closely, as we all took turns trying to see if it looked used. And yes, it was cringe worthy.

Much later that night, we finally got word from our pediatrician that Jack would need a blood draw now, and one again in 12 weeks to check for HEP B and HIV. The chances are very slim, but just to be on the safe side, that was what was recommended by the CDC, Center for Public Health, and the HIV Hotline.  And yes, more then one person said, "I don't know what to do, I've never had that question before."

That was how Jack and I ended up at Children's Hospital, Saturday morning, waiting for a blood draw. And, it was as horrible as I imagined it would be.