Anyways, I wrote my article, published the newsletter (printed out 10 copies, we are a small group) and moved on. I heard a few comments from other moms at my meeting but nothing shocking. It wasn't until the following Monday that I realized my husband had read it. Most months I have him read the article and give me feedback or ideas for an ending, but this time I think I was behind on my deadline and just needed to get it done.
At dinner that night he said, "I saw your newsletter article. Ouch."
My first thought was how did he see it, then I realized he was implying that the article was not a favorable one and since it was all about him, that made me feel bad.
"Did you read the end?" I asked him.
He did not, the bell rang and he continued on with drop-off like usual. This is what he read:
Just recently I was be-moaning the lack of romance in my life. And I don’t mean candlelight and roses, well, maybe roses would be okay. I was missing the romance of dating. When we were dating my husband left me handwritten notes telling me he loved me, we went on dates HE planned, there were flowers ‘just-because’ and that giddy feeling whenever I saw him.
I admit that doesn't sound good, but it was just the first paragraph! I was feeling like this, partly because I am vicariously living the rush of a new romance through the college girl who babysits for us. It reminds me of when Brandon and I met at college and how exciting it was those first few months. I don't want to go back to the beginning of our relationship, I know there were some serious issues. I might have mentioned this before, but I can be a little strong-willed and demanding, I do believe his mom might have been right to have some concerns about our relationship. But, 15 years later we are doing all right. I just miss those unexpected gestures of when he was trying to impress me.
There are some filler paragraphs in the middle but then it ends like this:
When asked to think about the things my husband does that I appreciate, I realized that the romance is still here, it just looks different. Instead of grand gestures, it is making me a latte in the morning, taking out the food compost, getting up at 6:30 on a Saturday to watch the kids so I can work-out, taking Micah to preschool one morning a week, and watching the kids for the weekend so I could go away.
I believe he has now read the whole article. I told him to keep reading, I thought it ended nicely, it wasn't a husband-bashing article. I feel that he made a comment in passing that he read it, but as with most things the chaos of our life took over and I didn't have a chance to ask his opinion.
I hope he liked it. I hope he realizes that the relationship we have today is a thousand times better then the one we had those first few months (crazy kids and all!). But that doesn't mean I don't miss those unexpected surprises.
A simple I Love You written on the back of a receipt is still hanging on my bulletin board a year later.