It is no secret that I love babies. Obviously my own, but I am also immediately attracted to any baby within close proximity. I am becoming one of those crazy people who make faces and noises at any baby, friend or foe, while still maintaining a conversation with the adult. I am pretty sure I look insane, but I can't help myself.
I have stated before, and I will again, that it is not a "I need a Daughter" thing. I was really okay when Finn was born and he was a boy. Yes, there are moments I miss the idea of a daughter, mostly just the clothing accessories, but I love my boys. Plus, Finn's birth wasn't really a surprise. I knew going in he would be a boy.
That is not what this is about. It's a little bit about the age Finn is. He is 18 months, give or take. When his brothers were this age, I was already pregnant. And yes, I do realize that is crazy. Both my husband and I LOVE this stage. They are just so cute I can hardly stand it. So every time I look at Finn, I am filled with the desire to have another baby. Just so I can have this stage again. But reality does hit and I realize it is just a few months and then they hit 2. Two, is actually not as terrible for us as, three is. I shudder to imagine Finn as a three-year old. We are barely surviving Micah's three.
The reason I need another baby is because Finn is not a Mama's Boy. I know, this is a good thing, I really do. But since he is my last I envisioned this baby that I could hold, snuggle, sing to, rock, and just pour all my baby-wants, into. But that is not the case. From an early age Finn preferred Brandon to me. While I was nursing this wasn't such a big deal because we had one-on-one time. But now that I am not his food source he is really in an "I love dad" phase.
In the morning I go to get him up and he is happy until we pass by our bedroom. Then he sees Brandon and starts crying. He will cry for as long as it takes for Brandon to finally come downstairs. It doesn't matter what I do, he will cry. When Brandon gets home from work, he races to him. It doesn't matter if we were just having great play-time, laughing, snuggling, he is done with me.
The other day he said "ma-ma" as he held out his arms. I was so happy. He was tired and getting ready for bed. I thought I would sit down, rock him, sing to him, hold him. But as I stepped toward him he ran past me and to Brandon, who was standing behind me. "Ma-ma" did not refer to me, I was almost knocked down in his haste to get to Brandon.
Brandon says it is his turn. Especially since Micah is the exact opposite, and won't let Brandon near him. I know, I am glad that Finn has such a strong attachment to Brandon, I just wish it wasn't my last baby.
I've let go of the idea of having a daughter. I've let go of having another baby. Now, I've got to let go of the notion that my last baby will be my sweet mama's boy.
Epilogue:
Immediately after writing this blog post, our family sat down for dinner. Finn cried and cried until he was let out of his high-chair, and then he ran to me. He sat on my lap crying, and Brandon said, "See he does want you". Then he threw up, not once, but twice, all over my lap. As soon as he was done vomiting, he got off my lap and went to Brandon. I stood there covered in vomit and watched Finn snuggle into Brandon's arms. I rest my case.
4 comments:
oh my word, Amy!! You are hilarious! I'm so sorry about hte vomitting, too!!! I don't know how you do it with three!
You crack me up, though.
OMG! That's awful!!! Rory is an equal opportunity puker...we've all been hit a time or too...even Toran got "slimed" the last time! :)
I think the hardest time of baby wanting is when the last one is the right age for you to be pregnant with the next one.....It gets easier from here, I swear! If it doesn't, maybe you need a sweet little tea-cup kind of dog you can carry in your purse. I know I do!!
OMG you totally cracked me up with your epilogue!! I agree, you need a dog. You need one like Oliver who will always act like a baby and let you snuggle with him. :)
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