Friday, October 22, 2010

When Finn Turned 1

When Finn turned 1, I was desperate for another baby.  I knew his first birthday would be hard.  The last time we would do these specific traditions, but I didn't realize how much I would WANT another baby.  It was more then just "my baby is getting big" phase. I wanted to have four kids.
Since Finn was born I have been asked over and over "Are you going to try for a girl?" I would just laugh and say, "Do you think I would have a girl? 4 boys seem like a lot." But when Finn turned 1, I didn't care. 4 boys, 3 boys and a girl, 3 boys and twins. I would take any of it, I just wanted to have another baby.
On his birthday Brandon even was feeling some twinges of baby dreaming. When we were celebrating Finn's birthday with my family my grandma asked if we were done.  We looked at each other and smiled. Maybe not, I was thinking. Maybe we will have one more. I was giddy with the prospect of being pregnant, giving birth, holding one more little bitty baby.

But then we went camping. 3 days after Finn turned 1, we were sleeping in the tent trailer on the first of our marathon camping summer. Between the camping experience and Finn learning to walk, I changed my mind.
It wasn't just that 4 kids would be a lot, I don't think I could handle one more.  Finn was in the fire pit, trying to climb the slippery log, chasing after his brothers. I was exhausted.  The best part of the trip was when I fell asleep trying to get Finn to take a nap and stayed asleep. Otherwise, chasing the 3 boys around the campsite was exhausting, fun, but exhausting.
Now, we have only 1 boy in diapers. Everyone is walking. I only have to grab my purse when I leave the house. This is good.  I still miss being pregnant, I will really miss nursing, and I even miss going to the hospital to deliver the baby. I truly loved the experience having babies gave me and I will miss that.
But it is time to move on.  Look at the next stage where we are not focused on feeding schedules, nap-times, which parent is on point.  But can start to do more things as a family, go hiking, even biking, play games together.  This is good, I know it is.

 So, no more Lonac babies.  
Snip, snap, snout, this tales told out.  


Alisha said...

Even though it's a final decision, there will probably be times in the next 10 years when you will grieve the thought of another baby again. Hopefully, those times won't last so long that you consider reversing that decision. :)

Lisa said...

I can't remember a time when all I needed when I left the house was my purse! :) Won't it be nice to live in a world with no diapers?! We love those boys so much!!

Michelle said...

I understand totally! L is 13, we haven't been in the running to have a baby for 11 years, but I still miss it. I loved everything about it (even the morning-all day sickness)!! But I know without a doubt that the kids we have complete our family, no one is missing at our dinner table (to quote the great Heidi Klum).