"He Was the Love of my Life"

My mom said this to me today at lunch. She started by saying, "I was trying to decide which boy I liked best..." and I thought, I have 3 boys and are you really going to tell me which is your favorite?? But then she went on and said, "But your dad, he was the love of my life."

To know why that is important is to know 2 things:

1. The two boys she was referring to were brothers

2. Both died in tragic car accidents when they were young

Yesterday was 32 years since my dad died. Most years the anniversary passes without a comment. Something my mom and my sister and I deal with on our own, but rarely together. Today when my mom came to my house I showed her a new picture frame I had hung up. It had places for 6 different pictures and I took out really old, bad family pictures and replaced them with pictures of the family I never really knew. My mom, my sister, my grandma, and of course my dad. I have one picture, the only one I think, that has my dad, mom, and me. That is all, no sister, no other family, just us. Another one shows my dad with an open wide smile. I have many pictures of him smiling. But they are more of a smirk. The look I can imagine him giving to make the girls swoon. This picture, though, shows him laughing, looking genuinely happy.

Today my mom gave me more memories to store away. Finding out my dad loved mayonnaise, in fact, did not believe there was such a thing as too much mayonnaise. I, on the other hand, vomit at the sight of mayonnaise and can not stand it. Kind of limits my choices of potluck salads, to be sure. He also loved tuna noodle casserole and green peppers. But the best thing my mom told me today was that my dad taught her how to make 'Swedish Pancakes'. These are not like the pancakes you find in restaurants, but are what I grew up eating. Now, I make them for my boys. I did not know that the recipe I have finally committed to memory, is the same one he taught my mom to make.

"I had a dream years ago" my mom said, " that I would one day have Carlson boys." Then she looked at my middle son and said, "You have one. And when I say Carlson boys - I mean that in the best possible way." I love all my boys, but my heart has a soft spot for the little boy who most looks like me, and therefore like my dad.