Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"Does This Purse Make Me Look Fat?"

A few months ago, my MIL took me into her bedroom and asked if she could show me something. Now, if you have heard my terrible lingerie story, you could imagine my fear and trepidation as I followed her into her room.  I was getting ready to explain that I did not want any more used underwear when she pulled out a brown purse. A very nice brown purse, one that I had seen her use and admired.

"Do you want this purse" she asked me.

I tried to think of a catch, what could it possibly hurt to take her very nice, seldom used, purse.  So, I took it and said thank you, and was about to chalk this up as a good interaction with my MIL when it all went downhill.

"Oh, good," she says, "that purse was always too big for me. I'm glad it fits you."

What? Purses are now sized to fit people? I just absently smiled and nodded and thought, whatever, it's a nice purse.  Little did I know the trap I had just set foot in.

A few months later I was visiting with my MIL when she once again asks if I would like something of hers. She pulls out a gray wool sweater and has me try it on. It's a little boxy, a little big, but can be closed with a giant pin.  Since our house is so cold, I figured it was a good layering piece for when I am at home. I thanked her and took it.

Just recently, I was back again at my MIL's house, and sure enough she had some more clothes to give me.  This time it was two denim jackets. I put the first one on, it was okay, a different style then I usually wear, but I figured it would be good for work. I put on the second one and thought, oh no, this one doesn't fit at all.  My MIL follows me into the bathroom (which is a big no-no) and says how nice it looks. I reply that I thought it looked too big. That's the way it is supposed to be she informs me. As I go to put the jackets in my car she says: "I'm so glad you can fit into my clothes, I hate to give away all my clothes to the Goodwill, just because they are too big for me."

You see, this past year my MIL has lost weight. This is a good thing, I know, except for the constant comments about how much she has lost, what size she is now, and then of course the off-hand comments about my size.  I can usually just laugh it off, but after being asked recently if I was having a girl, and when I said I wasn't pregnant, getting an unusually long stare; I may be a little sensitive to my current size.

Things were going along just fine, until our recent weekend trip with my in-laws.  After a souvenir shopping trip with my sister-in-law, my MIL came back giddy. They had such a good time, went into all the stores, yadda yadda yadda.  They even tried on some clothes. And, oh how cute those clothes were. At which point she will go into great length describing each shirt she tried on.  But, oh how sad, none of them fit her or my sister-in-law. They were just TOO big.

At which point she says, "Amy, we wished you were shopping with us because we knew the clothes would fit you!" With a great big smile, like, isn't that so great??!  They would fit me because I am so big? Is that what you are saying?

This conversation would be repeated 4 more times over the next 24 hours. I am not exaggerating.  After the 4th time of being told that none of the clothes were small enough for my MIL or SIL, but they would surely fit me, I had a headache and was feeling vaguely nauseous.  I crafted an excellent comeback, in the event that the conversation would be repeated again.  Of course, it wasn't and now I sit here on my couch, eating carrots for lunch, wishing I had never taken that purse in the first place.

Except that I do really like the purse.  Sigh.


Michelle said...

When my MIL moves out of the country, I get great things. The Israel move netted me the best spaghetti sauce making pan in the world. And this new move to Morocco resulted in my little red car....Sorry!

Kristin said...

Maybe you share your great comeback here on your blog for us, might be therapeutic :)

Karen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen said...

The mother bear instinct never dies. If you were morbidly obese (or even pleasantly plump) her comments would be mean. Since you are a perfect size, they are simply ridiculous.

Jenny said...

Agreed! That is just ridiculous. (And also still a little mean.)