What's Wrong With You?

That is the question my husband asked me today.  I think he framed it more politely, as in, "Are you feeling okay?"  But the underlying message was the same.

He asked this question after I said I was exhausted.  I think he was concerned because I was in bed last night by 10:00 and didn't get out of bed until 7:30 this morning. I will even admit that Brandon was up before me, even though I said I would totally get up with the baby today.  And yes, that is also admitting that I am not usually the one to get up first. Brandon totally wins the award for best husband in the "Getting up with the baby first" award. But whatever.

I did sleep well, woke up feeling good, but by 1:00 I was tired. Not just tired, exhausted. Wanted to either go lie down and sleep or cry. Either one would be okay.

When Brandon asked me if I was okay, my response was something like this: "Have you MET my kids?!" I would like to say that I actually said that in a nice polite way, but I didn't. It was pretty much exactly like that.

I have a 5 year old who only wants to watch TV, suck his thumb and rub his blanket, a 3 year old who cries if anyone even thinks of touching his stuff, and a 1 year old who is refusing naps.  After 4 hours of playing, cleaning, feeding, changing laundry, coloring, wiping butts, picking up, mediating fights, I was tired.

I don't think there is anything wrong with me, that a month long vacation sans kids couldn't fix.  But that is not the stage of life we are in. Instead I will take the next 2 hours, sit at a coffee shop, read, write, stalk blogs, drink coffee and breathe deep.  When I walk in the door, the kids will still be there, the to-do list will still be long, and the feeling of exhaustion will creep back.

But right now, Jimmy Eat World is playing on Pandora, I've got a latte in a real cup, and am taking a moment for myself.