Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Never Satisfied

Last Thursday, while at work, I wrote an email to my husband asking about the boys. It was 10:05, my first break of the day and my first moment to think of everyone left at home.

I wrote my usual: Hey, how's it going, what are your plans, etc.
Then I wrote: How are the boys? I miss them.
As soon as I finished writing, I paused, laughed and then wrote: That is funny considering how much I complained about them this week.

See, we had just come home from Seaside on Monday night. Tuesday morning as the boys are obviously gearing up for a day of it, I told my husband I would go to work and he could stay home. Ha-ha, just joking, but not really. He left and I took all 3 kids grocery shopping. This is something I have not done since last summer. The last time the 4 of us went grocery shopping, I had Finn in the baby Bjorn, Micah in the cart, and Jack walking. We did so-so, until checkout. When the cart was empty of all groceries, Micah was still sitting in the top, Jack climbed on the side, pulled the entire cart over and caused one of the biggest stirs in a grocery store I have ever seen. Anyone at any of the checkout stands came rushing over. Some helped pick up the cart, some tried to get Micah (who was screaming) out of the cart, and I was just trying to pay and get out of the store. The guy who always tells me not to let the boys ride on the outside of the cart walked by and I said, I know, I know. I have avoided the store since, but desperation and no milk in the house drove us to attempt it again. We did not do that bad this time, but if you happened to be at the grocery store you heard over and over, "Jack, Micah don't touch, please walk, stop running, I am leaving, no Jamba Juice unless you behave!" (only slight exaggeration).

On Wednesday we went to Costco. This is an errand I am completely confident in, the cart has room for 2 of my kids for goodness sake! I had Finn and Jack in the cart and Micah walking. Yep, the 1 year old and 5 year old were riding. Before we even made it into the store Micah had run headlong into someone's cart, as he was running while facing backwards and I was saying, "Micah, you are too far". Walked into the store with him holding onto my leg crying. Plus we got off schedule this day and ended up with no naps.

By Thursday I was glad to go to work. Wear normal clothes, put in my contacts, make an effort with my hair. All the good stuff. But by 10:00 there I am writing how much I missed the boys. I was already assessing the weather outside to see if it was nice enough to plan a walk or a trip to the park when I got home.

When I am home I think how much nicer it would be to be at work. I envy my husband each day when he gets on his bike and pedals away. I am already counting down the hours until he is home again. But then when I get to work all I can think about is my boys. When did they wake up? What did the have for breakfast? Did Jack miss me? Did Finn wake up smiling and laughing? Where are you going on your adventure today? Tell them I love them and will be home after naps.

Never just satisfied with where I am am in the here and now.


Alisha said...

I know what you mean! If only there was a workable middle ground.

Michelle said...

Ah, motherhood....the love, the joy, the guilt!